Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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