i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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