Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
