I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm bleeding and have questions
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
