Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
