can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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