She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
