1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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