Welp...herpes.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
time to smoke my breakfast
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
