i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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