I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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