Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize