You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
