You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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