I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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