ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Found the puke drawer
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
