is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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