i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My vagina is very pro this idea
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