here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
