i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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