I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
handjob tips. give me some.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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