My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize