Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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