Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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