I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
