The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
