well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
