I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
