You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
