look no pants
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
