I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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