Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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