That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
