i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
