We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
