Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
