I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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