I think i peed on brittanys purse
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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