It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
