the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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