Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
