dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
