the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
