i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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