Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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