So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
