Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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