i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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