This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
