I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
