ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
