she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
