The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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