You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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