I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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