I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
