Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We need to get me chipped asap
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
