I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
