You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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