I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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