Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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