make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
