ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
