"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
