someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I am spending my child support on dildos
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
