I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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