bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
