why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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